may 30, 2:49 p.m.

got kicked out of the previous hotel we'd been living in because the staff was not happy with my mom, so we had to spend a couple of days moving into a different one. calling the crisis hotline got delayed obviously (so i met with my friend two days ago, which was still some very welcome irl social interaction!), but it was done today while my mom met up with some elders at the local church alongside someone in that same church she feels has been a major lynchpin in the stalking for years now. obviously the guy had no clue what she was talking about, so my dad went and called the hotline. unfortunately the person that came could not rightfully admit her into a psych ward as she was not a real danger to herself or anyone else, and according to my dad, she definitely became furious as expected.

we got a great outcome nonetheless, though! my dad came into the room while my mom stayed in the car stewing over the whole ordeal and i talked to him, suggesting he could drive her to the hospital while she was still in the car. this also went nowhere but he finally mustered the courage to talk to her about the whole situation and they reached a compromise - she agrees to receive counselling, and my dad has to look for a new job in the exact city i've been begging to move to.

i can't express enough how happy i am to finally have the past 8+ years behind me. nearly a decade straight of being dragged along with whatever impulse decisions my mom made (or caused, in some cases) and we are finally on the path to finding somewhere to move into for good. i'll get my own room to decorate and organize however i want, and near the beach, no less!! i'm actually excited about what the near future holds for me at this point.

this is probably my final post on this site as well. i'll change this place's handle back to CHAOSYNTH and start anew on june 3. a couple of close friends have birthdays back-to-back tomorrow and on june 1, so i'm looking forward to celebrating with them. :]
see y'all on the flipside.

may 21, 4:48 p.m.

had to break off a long-term friendship recently. it hurts, especially because he was approached by myself and others in our friend group with empathy and kindness in spite of all the behavior patterns they discussed and wanted to see him do better, but with how willing he was to block and unfriend everyone on every platform, it's safe to say i don't have much of a problem cutting him out of my life. he's running away from his problems instead of facing them. maybe we'll cross paths again in the future, who knows - i just hope by then he's greatly matured as a person.

also, i've decided with everything going on in my life, i'll be moving accounts entirely on june 3rd for a fresh start. on here, discord, toyhouse, art fight - the places i'm most active besides tumblr. i have so many side blogs on tumblr that i do not feel like moving them all lol. i'll likely keep the name Y2KHAOS as i'm still very attached to it, maybe change all the names of my old accounts to a previous alias like CHAOSYNTH. but yeah, june 3rd has been a very special date to me for several years and i plan on it being no different this year. it's not long from now; just under a week after my mom will be admitted to a psychiatric hospital, which in itself is already a mere week away.

i've been dreading the date, but thankfully i've managed to arrange plans for a friend in town to come pick me up and take me out to brunch shortly before my dad makes the call so i can avoid witnessing an inevitably traumatic experience. i feel sorry for my dad, but i will at least be giving him a very long list of my own personal hang-ups with my mom over the past 8 years. that way he, the folks from the crisis hotline, and possibly my mom herself can see just how negatively everything has affected me. my next therapy appoiontment will only be a couple of days after this all goes down, and dear god will i have a lot to squeeze into those 45 minutes with her.

may 7, 7:20 p.m.

it's been a while since i've made a journal entry - 5 whole months! a lot has happened since december, and i anticipate even more happening in the near future. first of all, i finally got back on ADHD meds back in january, and this time they aren't stimulants!! it's been working very well for me, keeping me able to focus and easily switch between tasks, as well as actually start things when i think about them in general instead of mindlessly staring at the same couple of tabs on my laptop all day.

also been very into Fortnite and...may have developed a crush on the character Midas, specifically his Ascendant skin. it's felt a lot different than any other fictional "crushes" i've had in the past, and has me realizing i've never truly felt what a romantic crush even is until now. since i learned about aromanticism in 2012-13 or so, i've always pretty solidly identified as aroace, and for the first time in my life i'm starting to question it a little. obviously a fictional crush is much different than one on a real person, but the impact this singular character has had on my psyche is not to be understated in the slightest. i no longer cringe or feel a strange sense of exclusion whenever i hear my friends discuss romantic scenarios. i've made a sona to ship with Midas and it represents my real, physical self far more than any sona i've ever had previously, and i suppose it's giving me a lot of added confidence in imagining such situations as well - this is the most attached i've felt to a sona in quite a while, and i guess i was overdue for such a change anyway after having my previous sona for like, 5 years now.

my mom also went out today and finally picked up the new keyboard i ordered recently to our p.o. box. the WASD keys on my laptop's built-in keyboard have been increasingly finicky and it's resulted in some obvious issues in playing any of my pc games LMAO. this new one is very nice; it's in a pleasant shade of aqua with keys remniscient of candy pieces that make a very pleasant "thock" sound when pressed! plus my mom surprised me with a proper headrest i can use on the couch instead of having to drag my pillows over to it every day. we're still living in a hotel room, but hopefully things will change within the next few months.

next time my dad comes home from his trucking job...he's gonna finally make the huge move of involuntarily admitting my mom to a psych ward. it's gonna be traumatic for all three of us, but this is far from overdue. her delusions of being gang-stalked have deeply negatively affected all of our lives for over 8 years and it's time to actually put an end to it all. i've been yearning more than ever to have my own room again. i'll post updates as they occur.

with all of these major changes to my personal life, it's needless to say i was right in my anticipation on new year's that 2024 would be a year of humongous progress. last night i had a dream of all my teeth crumbling out, which isn't terribly uncommon for me, but i actually managed to wake myself up from it to prove to myself they were completely intact. i can't help but feel this is a sign of being in a mental space that's finally prepared to take on the biggest changes of all coming in the near future.

i've been thinking a lot about this image today.